This letter was written to Christians in Colossae, a city in what is now southwestern Turkey. In it Paul expresses his commitment to help them (and us) toward spiritual maturity (see Colossians 1:28), and then he teaches us the path to it in Colossians 3:1.

This path begins with cultivating a mental focus on what God has provided for us through Christ. As we keep increasing our understanding and appreciation of these provisions, and as we use these provisions to refute and replace lies about who God is and who we are, the power of the Holy Spirit is unleashed to gradually transform our lives (see Romans 12:2a and Colossians 3:10).

In addition to cultivating this mental focus on God’s provisions, the path to spiritual maturity also involves embracing a new lifestyle — a new purpose and direction for our lives. This is what Paul describes in Colossians 3:5-17. He likens our old lifestyle to an old set of clothes to be “put aside” (see Colossians 3:8), and this new lifestyle as like a new set of clothes to be “put on” (see Colossians 3:12). Let’s begin by reading about the lifestyle we are to “put aside.”

Put Aside The Self-Centered Lifestyle

Read Colossians 3:5-11. Paul describes many behaviors that characterize this old lifestyle. But at the heart of all of these is a self-centered orientation to life. This is what Paul means by “fleshly indulgence” (see Colossians 2:23). “Fleshly” does not mean “physical body;” it refers to our fallen, selfish nature. “Indulgence” means satiating that selfish nature. This may also be what Paul means by “evil desire” (see Colossians 3:5). Desire is not evil in itself (contra Buddhism); it is self-centered craving or lust that is wrong. The old lifestyle is like a sucking vortex or a lamprey feeding on blood — an empty person who believes he must take from other people and things to become full.

• It is this orientation that leads to sexual taking (see Colossians 3:5a). I need to feel pleasure, or I need to be wanted, or I need to needed — so I use my sexuality to get these things through pornography, sexual promiscuity, serial romances, marital infidelity, and so on.
• It is this orientation that leads to materialistic greed (see Colossians 3:5b). I need to feel materially secure, or I need to feel stimulated by new acquisitions, or I need to feel significant through career accomplishment — so I use money and possessions and career to get these things.
• It is this orientation that leads to being relationally demanding (see Colossians 3:8-9a). I need people to treat me in certain ways so that I feel secure, important, appreciated, and so forth. So I explode or simmer in destructive anger to punish those who do not meet my demands, or I lie in various ways, such as posturing or manipulation, in order to extract from other people what I believe I must have.

All these specific wrong behaviors, then, are symptoms of the root problem — a self-centered orientation to life. Human beings have been self-centered ever since they kicked God out of their lives and turned away from trusting Him to meet their needs. That is when the “sucking sound” in our souls began, and that is what gives birth to these specific behaviors.

Why should we put this self-centered lifestyle aside? This is not the first time that we have seen selfish cultures, because all have been, but it is probably the first time when many view selfishness as a virtue and a key feature of psychological health. Maybe this is why the Bible’s denunciation of selfishness seems so unreasonable to many of us. This is why we need to understand the reasons Paul gives us for turning away from it:

We should lay this way of life aside because God will judge it (see Colossians 3:6). Many teachers use Colossians 3:6 as a threat that God will damn Christians to hell if they commit sexual immorality or other such sins listed. Interestingly, they do not usually threaten this for materialism. This is a terrible misinterpretation because it directly contradicts Colossians 2:13 and Colossians 3:4, along with many other passages which clearly state that Christians are permanently exempt from God's condemnation. Paul is saying that God’s wrath is going to come upon “the sons of disobedience” — the people who refuse Christ’s forgiveness for their selfishness. His logic is: “You are headed for eternity in God’s kingdom, not for His judgment. Why would you want to live like those who are headed for His judgment?”

• We should lay this way of life aside because we have already tried living this way (see Colossians 3:7). Did a self-centered lifestyle ever fulfill you? If it was so fulfilling, why did you come to Christ (see Romans 6:21)? Is it not true this way of life never fulfilled you, always left you empty, enslaved you and damaged you and others? If one form of selfishness did this, why would another form be any different? If there is now an alternative to this way of life, why would you not want to take it?
• We should lay this way of life aside because it no longer fits who we are (see Colossians 3:8-12). Paul’s call to “put off” a self-centered way of life is rooted in the fact that Christians have a new identity. I do not wear clothes from when I was a child, because they no longer fit who I am. Rather, I wear clothes that fit my present size and tastes because they express who I now am. In the same way, I received a new identity when I received Christ. My old identity as a fugitive/orphan is gone; I am now a child of God who is loved and fully cared for by Him. Therefore, it makes no sense to live a self-centered, taking lifestyle.
• We should lay aside this way of life because we now have access to God’s changing power (see Colossians 3:10). Before, we had no power to change — we were slaves to selfishness. But now, through Christ, we have been released from sin’s authority and God’s Spirit lives within us — and He is constantly initiating a renovation, not merely cosmetic, to restore us to live the way God designed us to live.

Real, increasing freedom from self-centeredness begins not with moral will power, but with deepened convictions about these reasons for change. What self-centered way of life is arresting your attention right now? Are you willing to judge this as self-centered? Are you willing to agree with God that it is unfulfilling and incongruous with who you are? Do you believe that God has given you the power to be freed from this? Tell Him this, and ask Him to show you His specific steps to lead you away from this bondage, perhaps through confession to a friend, learning to avoid certain situations, or however the Lord leads you.

But “putting aside” is never sufficient. Those who only try to “put aside” — even for all the right reasons — never succeed. Why? Because we all have a fulfillment vacuum in our hearts which, unless it is filled by another lifestyle, sucks us back to some form of self-centeredness. This is why in addition to “putting aside” a self-centered lifestyle, we need to “put on” — embrace and pursue — the new lifestyle that fits who we now are in Christ. This is the lifestyle that will deliver the real fulfillment that our hearts rightly desire. This is why “putting on” this new lifestyle will help you to “put aside” the old lifestyle. It will weaken the old habits and desires for counterfeits by delivering genuine life and joy! What is this new lifestyle?

Put On A Lifestyle Of Love

See Colossians 3:12-17. What was at the center of the old lifestyle? Self-centeredness. What is at the center of the new lifestyle? Love (see Colossians 3:14). “Beyond all these things” means “above all,” “over-arching all” — love is the central lifestyle choice of which the other specifics in this passage are expressions.

“Love” is the Greek word agape — the kind of love that is very different than other kinds of human love, the kind of love that Jesus demonstrated throughout His life and supremely through His death.

• It is not just enjoying people you already know and/or who are like you (philia); it is serving people you do not know and/or who are very different from you, just as Jesus served fallen humans and cared for the Gentiles.
• It is not rooted in feelings of attraction (eros); it is rooted in choice and commitment in spite of how we may feel. just as Jesus fed the 5000 in spite of extreme weariness, or how He went to the cross despite great fear and revulsion.
• It is not conditional to people treating you well; it forgives and serves even those who treat you badly, just as Jesus went to the cross for His enemies.

If you are thinking: “This way of life sounds crazy,” you are probably understanding it because it is so utterly contrary to the self-centeredness that seems to normal to us. If you are thinking: “This way of life sounds impossible,” you are right — it is humanly impossible because agape comes only from God, not from within us.

Only those who have received God’s love can live this way (see Colossians 3:12-14). You can only access God’s love by receiving Christ’s payment for your sins, asking for His death on the cross to apply to you so that you can be a new person in restored friendship with God that will last forever in this world and in heaven. The moment you make this decision, God’s Spirit indwells your soul and gives you access to His love (see Romans 5:5). His love toward you is utterly trustworthy so (ou can always count on it, and it is inexhaustible, meaning it will never run dry. Because of this access to God’s love, you can begin to give His love away to others without fear of being left empty.

Here is something even more amazing: The more you give His love away to others, the more His love fills your own soul. This is what Jesus showed His disciples. Notice that after they assisted Jesus in the feeding of the five thousand, they picked up twelve basketfuls of food (see Matthew 14:20). This is what He teaches us too (see Acts 20:35). This is so liberating! We no longer have to seek fulfillment by trying to get other people to treat us the way we want to be treated; we receive fulfillment by giving away to others the love that God already gave to us. And no one can stop us from doing this but us!

Do you believe this? Do you believe that God loves you and will meet all of your needs through Christ (see Philippians 4:19)? Do you believe that true fulfillment comes from giving God’s love away to others? This is the belief-change that will change the whole direction of your spiritual life! Many true Christians never experience growth toward spiritual maturity because they don’t do this.

If you do believe this, how can you start down this path?

Begin to practice in three directions — loving God by cultivating thankfulness to Him (see Colossians 3:15-17), loving other Christians by building unified relationships with them (see Colossians 3:12-16a), and loving the non-Christians in your life by showing and sharing Christ’s love with them (see Colossians 3:17-4:6). These are so important that we will focus further with one study each on the first two actions and two studies on the last one.

Cultivate a “healthy addiction” to this way of life. You cultivate this healthy addiction in the same way you cultivated destructive addictions: by choosing to do them, experiencing the “buzz,” building your life around them, and so on. But instead of this lifestyle destroying you, you will thrive off of it because of the increasing joy and fulfillment it provides. Tell God that this is the kind of lifestyle you want (contra merely dabbling in it as a religious duty, on exceptional occasions,). Ask Him to lead you into it, then get ready! This will begin an adventure that you will never regret!